Remember the viral memes about girls “not being like other girls?” Or even a personal experience of girls, or even yourself, bragging about hating the color pink in elementary school, just because it was too “girly” of a color? Don’t be shy, because I’ve gone through the same phase too.
Many girls go out of their way to tear each other apart, just to prove themselves as “different” and “better” than other girls. But why?
In society, women have been looked down upon for many years. They’ve been degraded and treated cruelly by men. Even liking things that are considered “feminine” has been mocked by men. For instance, women can’t even wear a dress out in public without being shamed by men for trying “too hard” to “impress” them. You may be asking, “how does this tie into the actions of women?”
Well, many girls grew up with a bad image of being female. Even in history, women have been treated unfairly and have been left out of important decision making. Even compared to now, with significant changes in society, sexism and misogyny are still in place.
People in society have grown up not appreciating women. They were “unimportant” and “too sensitive.” There are even families who don’t notice the gender bias or issues of what they’re saying or teaching to their kids. “One time I was doing homework on my desk, and my grandpa said, ‘Oh, you’re going to be a secretary for a big lawyer aren’t you?’ And I was like…I’m going to be the big lawyer,” senior Gwynevere Castro said. This comment may not seem like such a big deal; however, it is when you are a young girl wanting to dream about bigger things than what society expects of you.
Many girls experience gender biases early on. Families that are aware of these biases even have to warn their kids about them! “My parents would always tell me that I’ll have to work harder,” Castro said. “It’s just the way society is, you’re going to have to work harder, you’re going to have to stand up for yourself way more, and it’s just how it’s going to be, because you’re a woman.”
These negative views that little girls had to grow up with, about being female, lead them to feeling like they have to “prove themselves” to guys.
Girls had to prove that they were “worthy” of a man’s attention, that they were “different” and not “annoying” like other girls. Many do this by denying liking anything considered feminine and girly, so they can distance themselves from the stereotypes of being a girl.
Their views of women were so negatively twisted, that they would also bring down other girls to make themselves look and feel better. “Growing up, makeup was a big target,” Castro said, “If you wore makeup, you were considered fake.” Girls felt better than other girls for not “trying” as hard to impress guys. In reality, they themselves are trying hard to impress guys as well. However, just in a different way—by bringing down other girls.
Some girls even go as far to humiliate other girls! Especially in front of guys.
Other girls even excuse men’s inappropriate actions. They feel as if they are more “chill” and less sensitive than other girls, such as being okay with being mocked for being a female, being okay with men’s inappropriate jokes about women, not saying anything when men humiliate other girls for being themselves, etc.
Now you can try imagining how girls bringing down other girls can affect each other. Utter chaos! It causes a bigger gap in bonds. A girl’s feeling, that they can’t be girly, strengthens, when having to encounter another girl that’s upset about her actions. It can “prove” their point that girls are sensitive. Though it does make sense that other girls can be upset if a girl brings them down, it just strengthens that girl’s negative views as well.
So, what can we do about this issue? To put it simply, girls can start to be more positive towards each other. Gossiping and bringing each other down just makes the issue even worse. Instead of putting each other down, let’s support each other! Such as complimenting other girls and simply chatting with them. If that doesn’t work out, then just move on. It’ll give a good example to other girls and influence them to do the same. Girls should support girls!